Weight Loss: Gym Day 1

I was given my gym programme yesterday and there was quite a lot in it so I split it into 2 so that I would do cardio and resistance one day and then cardio and strength/core the next. So today was a cardio and resistance day, but I still couldn’t fit all the exercises into my gym session. I’m going during my lunch break which is only an hour and I have to factor in getting dressed at the start and then showered and dressed at the end. So it looks like I might have to split the whole lot into 3 different sessions.

I also had trouble on the machine which is for seated crunches. I did try it out yesterday and it felt ok, but today I just couldn’t get comfortable and it just didn’t feel right, it felt too hard. I know it’s supposed to be hard but I honestly felt there was something wrong with my form so I stopped after about 5 or 6 as I didn’t want to risk it.

All in all I enjoyed the variety which was good and I’m keen to get a new plan of action going for tomorrow, or perhaps Friday. I’m not sure how often I should be having full rest days, or whether I can sort the programme to be working different groups for 5 days and then rest at the weekend.

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Weight Loss: Fitbit & Gym Induction

My Fitbit Charge HR arrived early this morning which meant I had time to charge the battery and get it set up well in time for my gym induction, which I’m just back from.

I really like the variety of machines I had a go on, especially the rowing machine, and I will get my gym programme in an email this afternoon. Really looking forward to getting started. The best bit about it is that there was NO treadmill work. I have been really worried about getting on the treadmill. My pelvic floor hasn’t recovered and so when I tried jumping jacks or running it’s just pee everywhere. For the life of my I can’t get those pelvic exercises right. They say not to tense your abs or your butt and at the time I don’t think I am but then I get sore abs and butt so I must be. I just can’t seem to isolate properly. Hopefully doing this gym programme will help.

Anyway super excited to get started tomorrow ­čÖé

Weight Loss: Fitbit Charge HR Arriving Tomorrow

Well Amazon dropped the price of the FitBit Charge HR to the lowest price it’s ever been before (I use camelcamelcamel.com to track the prices of things that i want to buy). Add to that a little promo that they are taking ┬ú10 off every order that is ┬ú50 or more so I got it for even less!

It’s arriving tomorrow so I’m pretty excited as I also have my gym induction booked for 2pm tomorrow. Whether I’ll have my Charge HR all set up by then I don’t know, I probably need to charge it up for a few hours beforehand.

A bit nervous about the gym induction. I am looking forward to the strength training but I worry about the cardio. A bit TMI but my pelvic floor simply hasn’t recovered and so if I run or jump I leak pee. It has been a while since I did test so maybe it’s better now but I’m not convinced.

Weight Loss: What to do about chocolate?

So I’ve been not too bad about cutting out the fizzy drinks. I still have the odd one but I find I don’t really enjoy it as much as I build it up in my head.
Chocolate on the other hand is a real problem. I am unable to portion control my chocolate intake so the best thing to do would be go cold turkey, but then I end up on a complete binge of 1000-1500 calories of chocolate in the space of 20 mins.

So how do I deal with this? I’m not even sure how to start. I don’t really want to cut chocolate out, because I do love it, I enjoy it when I eat it. Clearly I enjoy it a little too much, but if I am unable to control myself when around it the sensible thing would be to remove it all together right? But that doesn’t work either. Unless I stop carrying money with me, I suppose that’s a good way, but then I don’t want to develop some weird unhealthy relationship with when I have money it means I can buy chocolate. ARGH!

Week 4 Weight In

Yay lost a whole 1lb WOO down to 163.4lbs this week. I do plan to start the gym early next month now I think I generally have diet in control (when I don’t have binge days).

Week 3 Weigh In

Well I didn’t lose any weight this week, but I also didn’t put any back on, so I guess it’s not all bad. To be honest it’s not a surpise given my binge on Monday. To add to that I wasn’t under my calorie goal much this week plus I didn’t take the stairs at work.

So there we go. At least I know how much slacking has an effect. Next week I will be better!

New Day

After venting yesterday, both here and on Reddit, I felt much better.┬áRemembering what happened yesterday, but not letting it ruin what I’m doing. ┬áI can’t be perfect every day and it’s good to recognise that and not punish myself. ┬áI will be punished enough if the scale doesn’t get to where I want it to be by Friday and that alone should be my motivation for keeping days like that to a minimum.

I feel better mentally, not as glum and therefore not feeling the need to comfort eat.  Not really sure what changed but maybe it was as simple as starting a new day.

Right Let’s Get It All Out

I woke up feeling like shit. All last week I had been snappy, impatient and short with OH. I didn’t realise I was being this way until he pointed it out early on Sunday. Then I felt it, I felt how I was feeling. That sounds a bit weird but it makes sense to me. It’s like I was unaware how I was feeling but still acting that way and then all of a sudden the impact of my behaviour hit me. Since then I have felt so so low, in a funk I just can’t shift.

I woke up this morning feeling so bad, not wanting to go to work, not wanting to talk to or see anyone. This morning my emotional eating took over and I binged on fizzy drinks and chocolate. As it stand I’m nearly 900 calories over my daily intake. My Fitness Pal has set the bar for me at 1310 calories a day. I trust My Fitness Pal because I was initially recommended to use the NHS Weight Loss tools to help me as I was referred via work. We had some Health and Well Being week where they told me my BMI was 29.9 and that I should think about losing weight. I punched all my numbers into the NHS site and they recommended 1400 calories per day for a steady 1lb per week loss. So it’s really not that much of a difference.

Now I’ve never posted my figures before so here they are:
Age: 31
Sex: Female
Height: 5’3″
Starting Weight: 168lbs
Goal Weight: 112lbs
Lifestyle: sedentary

I posted today on Facebook about my binge this morning looking for support and all I got was people saying that I was being unrealistic with my calorie goal and that “you look fine the way you are”.
1. My calorie goal is NOT unrealistic. I’ve been sticking to that for 2 weeks no problem, my problem today was I had an episode of emotional eating.
2. I don’t care if you think I look fine. I don’t feel fine. I’m not doing this for you, I’m doing this for me. I am not a healthy weight and I want to be a healthy weight. I know that BMI isn’t the be all and end all. I know that BMI doesn’t make sense for the likes of rugby players with lots of muscle and therefore should be taken with a grain of salt, but I’m not a bloody rugby player. I have very little muscle and therefore the BMI scale is more relevant to me right now.
Lesson learned, I won’t be posting on Facebook again.

Honestly right now I am on the brink of tears, but I’m at work and trying so so hard not to, slumping down in my chair so that my monitor hides my face completely. I am even resisting going to the bathroom to pee because I know the minute I get some privacy it’s all going to come flooding out. I’m having to take frequent breaks in writing this because every time I start typing it all swells up again.

I know in the grand scheme of things I’m more upset about how dismissive people are being than by how many calories over I went. So I went over my nearly 900 calories today, I just go back to being good tomorrow and keep finding a way to deal with my emotional eating. It is important to remember that I did it though. Binge eating when I felt like shit did not make me feel better. It didn’t necessarily make me feel worse, but it didn’t make me feel better. I need to find something to make me feel better, which ideally doesn’t involve food.

I’m only at the beginning of my weight loss journey and it’s hard enough with people bringing me down. I do a jolly good job of bringing myself down as it is, I don’t need other people to jump on the bandwagon. I need support, and now I don’t know where I’m supposed to get that.

Gee Thanks

You know when you have a bad day and you look for support and help from friends and they just be all negative instead of supporting you? Yeh, this is why I generally don’t share stuff publicly. Then I get a problem at the other end where I bottle stuff up and it all goes to pot.
Seriously. Fuck. This. Shit. Wish I could just go to bed and reset for tomorrow. I’m really fed up today.

Not Today

Today is not a good day. I feel like shit, not physically, but mentally. I really wasn’t ready to go back to work this morning and I’m really not in the mood to be around people today.

I know that when I stepped on the scales this morning I was the same weight as I was on Friday morning which is a good thing. It means that my weekend didn’t do too much damage, however today I’m not ready to go back to the good eating.

I have a can of coke (139kcal) and a very large bar of aero chocolate (546kcal) in front of me. I know that eating these things will not make me feel better. I know that in fact eating these things will very likely make me feel worse and despite knowing that I am really struggling to find a reason not to do it. Likely in the next 10 minutes the chocolate will be gone and the can half drunk. I actively want this binge. The food isn’t healthy and neither is my state of mind.

I’m still going to log everything on MyFitnessPal. I think it’s important to acknowledge what i’m doing rather than pretend it didn’t happen. Besides all that I need to find a way out of this funk.